In case you weren’t aware of it, the Raptured was scheduled to occur last Saturday, May 21 at 6 p.m. There was some confusion as to time zones and all, but I think they finally settled on Pacific time. If you are still here, apparently you weren’t included in the massive rise up.
Me? I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be drawn up to the Heavens leaving nothing but the clothes I was wearing in a pathetic heap where I was standing either. So sure was I that I would still be around, I made plans for the evening. I was going to go looting. I don’t mean just any old appliance store for a big screen tv or a blu ray player looting, I mean I was gonna amass me some major works of art, architecture and the occassional piece of bling.
I decided this would be an excellent opportunity to do some decorating. My first acquisition? The Last Supper. I have a wall it could fit on and even if it doesn’t, I could remove the frame and wrap it around a corner. It might class the joint up a bit. I’ve also always had my eye on the Venus De Milo. She’d be a nice addition to the front yard. I was thinking I could hang a bird feeder from her somehow or, wait. . .how about some plastic flowers? Wouldn’t that be cute? I’ve always admired the colosseum in Rome but without a place to put it, I had to give it some additional consideration and then it dawned on me. The Byron Football field, duh. Maybe rename the thing Coltman Stadium. As for the bling? I’m not asking fro much there. The jewel stash of the royals in appealing, however, there is a diamond and emerald bracelet up at Zavius Jewelers that I’ve always coveted and I might just have to go snatch that baby before my spree ends. This opportunity was just too good to be true. But first, I had to make sure I wasn’t accidentally confused with one of the saved people. So, I waited it out through the Eastern Daylight Savings Time zone. To test the waters, I even Facebooked a message to my east coast friends asking if they were still around. I received no response. Hmmmm. Perhaps, I wondered, this is happening by time zone like a sweep across the world.
Moondoggy and I decided that waiting around for the Rapture was a waste of time, and besides the view would be better out in the open, so we decided to take a walk. It was a beautiful evening. The weather was warm, the sun was shining and we headed off on the bike path. At six o’clock Central Time, we paused. We waited. We looked to the sky. Aaaand nothin’. Nada. I was getting a little ticked off because I saw Harold Camping on tv and he PROMISED this was going to happen. He was adamant and I kinda made my plans around his assurance. At the very least, I wanted the emerald bracelet and now it didn’t appear that would be happening either. The Last Supper and Venus would have to stay safe in Paris and my bracelet locked away in a case on Perryville road. Huff and pouty face.
It was at that moment the church bells started ringing at the United Church like they do every night at six o’clock. The Tune? “He Arose.” I think they must have a sense of humor there.