You talk the talk, but now you gotta walk the walk.
Words from my teenager after a motherly pontification about following one's passion. And I knew what he was talking about. I've heard it from others too, I've just never trusted myself to actually take that step and walk that walk without hiding behind my favorite phrase, "I just threw it together," which allows me to make excuses for imperfections.
Faced with my teenager's words I followed with a promise that, " Yes, I would do it this time," followed with a pit in the stomach and not a small hope that he would forget. Except that child does not forget.
I have a lot of book worthy material, I even have a few actual books. And. . .I have this blog. I'm not sure when I had my Oprah "Aha" moment. I'd like to tell you it was while contemplating a fix to the BP leak, or writing a treatise on a second shooter on the grassy knoll but, I think it came somewhere into my third glass of wine at a patio party in California. Someone asked me what I do, and I replied, "Well, I'm working a on book," and then KNOWING I had to follow up with what the book was about, I continued, "based on a blog I write." And there it was!
That moment solved several problems at once for me. It gave me a focus, it gave me material from which to begin and it gave me legitimacy for my favorite phrase, "I just threw it together." Ok, so I didn't really throw it together, but I did have a lot of ready made material in which to start.
"Is It Just Me? Or Is Everyone a Little Nuts" is a compilation of stories, some of which I have taken from here and some that are new, that will hopefully bring humor to the most mundane moments in life.
If all goes well, my book should be available in September. I'll keep you posted but feel free to visit my website: www.judicoltman.com anytime day or night and ALWAYS feel free to share it with friends!
And to my son? Na Nana Boo Boo.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
And So it Goes
Years ago I wrote for several local and national publications: freelance, which was a pretty interesting gig when the content was cool, but most of the time my subjects were marketing and nuclear power. The very thought of that dry subject matter sends me screaming to to faucet for water or ok, to the nearest bar for a nice cold beer. So it used to make me laugh when, after receiving one of my screamingly hysterical Christmas Newsletters people who have known me forever would respond with, "You should be a writer." Had they not read my article on Boiling Water Reactors or End Cap Marketing?? Sheesh.
When my kids were very little, I wrote a book prior to one of our beach vacations that set up a real life treasure hunt in an effort to make the trip magical. And it did, but it didn't stand up to the dead man in a kayak that was found just off the shore from our house. Now that was really cool. Years later, my children have suggested I publish that book. And I have thought about it too.
Last Christmas, my youngest listened while I pontificated on the importance of following ones passion. He listened, nodded his head and then basically told me to put my money where my mouth is. I hate it when teens are so damn smart.
And so, I am following my own advice as fed to me by my own child. I am publishing a book. A compilation of my blogs both already published and of those yet to be published. I mean why not exploit what I can, right?
I will make the information available as soon as I have it. In the mean time, excuse me while I put my hands on my hips and stick my tongue out at my kid. So there!
When my kids were very little, I wrote a book prior to one of our beach vacations that set up a real life treasure hunt in an effort to make the trip magical. And it did, but it didn't stand up to the dead man in a kayak that was found just off the shore from our house. Now that was really cool. Years later, my children have suggested I publish that book. And I have thought about it too.
Last Christmas, my youngest listened while I pontificated on the importance of following ones passion. He listened, nodded his head and then basically told me to put my money where my mouth is. I hate it when teens are so damn smart.
And so, I am following my own advice as fed to me by my own child. I am publishing a book. A compilation of my blogs both already published and of those yet to be published. I mean why not exploit what I can, right?
I will make the information available as soon as I have it. In the mean time, excuse me while I put my hands on my hips and stick my tongue out at my kid. So there!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Parenting Manual: Job Description
The universal parent manual leaves out a lot of important stuff when it comes to the job description for mother. For instance, it extols the joys of motherhood, explains the birth process and sets you up for day to day infant care with a fair amount of accuracy. When is comes to the less tangible "worry" section, it . . .well, it falls flat. There is no time line for when you might be "finished" with the parenting process - especially the worry. So, I figured it must be upon graduation from college. The child has grown, become educated and is now ready to face the world on his own. Who was I kidding? With a kid who graduated into the worst economic crisis in our lifetime, I quickly learned that what really happens is that the worry just shifts because it still takes up the same amount of space, time and stomach aches.
Lucky for you guys, I realized long ago that as far as my friends go, age doesn't matter. At some point everyone becomes my age-- great for the older friends, maybe not so great for the younger ones but that is beside the point. I am only bringing this up because I have a friend who just had her first child three weeks ago and that, coupled with the recent death of someone else's child has thrown me into an introspective tizzy for which I simply MUST verbalize.
As I held this incredibly perfect, 8 pound bundle of beauty recently new to the world, I marveled at how her emergence has completely changed the priorities of her young parents. It doesn't matter how ready you BELIEVE you are, the moment the baby arrives you revel in the joys of a healthy poop, attune to the sound of steady breathing, and knowing from that time on you will do whatever it takes to ensure their child's life is all it can be. And sometimes those challenges are colossal.
I look at the women I am blessed to know and find that I stand in awe of their of what they do everyday in the name of motherhood without the slightest clue that what they do is admirable because it is simply part of the job.
I have a good friend who, just five months ago learned that her son is gay. When our children are born, we build dreams for them based on what our society has dubbed a "norm." He will grow up, become successful, fall in love, get married and have kids. All well and good if you aren't the mother of a gay child because all of those things certainly can happen, it just isn't how you have pictured it. And so, when after he had come out to his friends and the word started to spread, he came out to his mother without any real guarantee that she would accept it. Faced with this startling admission, this mom, who never saw it coming did the only natural thing she could do: she gathered her little boy into her arms and cried. Were they tears of grief? Sadness over what now would never be as she pictured? No, as she held her son in her arms she cried for the pain he had held to himself for the last two years and said a prayer of thanks that his painful secret had not driven him to do the unthinkable.
We are not prepared, when we are learning Lamaze breathing, and focusing on the impending birth for what that newborn will require when the care is lifelong. I have another friend whose oldest child was born with a myriad of disabilities. Recently, she spent a good week in the ICU because her now 23 year old son had been experiencing increasingly dangerous seizures. The idea being that when the next seizure of that sort occurred, it could be witnessed, recorded and then treated. The room was like a fishbowl with medical staff observing them at all hours. Her son's head was hooked and wired to transmitters and they simply lived their days out in that glass room HOPING for a dangerous seizure so that they could figure out how to manage them and move on. My friend never once complained, never once lamented that her own birthday was spent in that fishbowl and NEVER considered a pity party as an option. Instead, she jokingly referred to her situation with the cameras and infrared cameras, microphones and such as her own reality show...called... "Our Little Head Case!", all the while hoping for the dangerous seizure because that's what was needed to help him in the long run.
Another friend has a terrific son who, in his new found freedom of college has found that sometimes there are consequences that are costly to say the least ( and who among us hasn't been there?). And while she worries and frets over his choices, she knows in the end he will have to figure it out on his own. Let's face it, we can only hope the lessons we taught manifest themselves at some point and our children become happy, law abiding adults.
Children are challenges. Although the caliber of challenge differs from child to child and sometimes the challenges we are presented with feel insurmountable, that is never an option. As mothers, we NEVER give up on our children. Last week a twenty one year old child died after fighting an insidious disease. His mother has had to face probably the most gut wrenching challenge one can face. After having her own killer stem cells harvested and transplanted to her son, she had to stand by while, in the end, it did not offer the miracle we had all hoped. Instead, she had to face that her child was going to die and support him through it until the end.
It's what mothers do.
And that is what needs to go into the parenting manual under, "job description."
Lucky for you guys, I realized long ago that as far as my friends go, age doesn't matter. At some point everyone becomes my age-- great for the older friends, maybe not so great for the younger ones but that is beside the point. I am only bringing this up because I have a friend who just had her first child three weeks ago and that, coupled with the recent death of someone else's child has thrown me into an introspective tizzy for which I simply MUST verbalize.
As I held this incredibly perfect, 8 pound bundle of beauty recently new to the world, I marveled at how her emergence has completely changed the priorities of her young parents. It doesn't matter how ready you BELIEVE you are, the moment the baby arrives you revel in the joys of a healthy poop, attune to the sound of steady breathing, and knowing from that time on you will do whatever it takes to ensure their child's life is all it can be. And sometimes those challenges are colossal.
I look at the women I am blessed to know and find that I stand in awe of their of what they do everyday in the name of motherhood without the slightest clue that what they do is admirable because it is simply part of the job.
I have a good friend who, just five months ago learned that her son is gay. When our children are born, we build dreams for them based on what our society has dubbed a "norm." He will grow up, become successful, fall in love, get married and have kids. All well and good if you aren't the mother of a gay child because all of those things certainly can happen, it just isn't how you have pictured it. And so, when after he had come out to his friends and the word started to spread, he came out to his mother without any real guarantee that she would accept it. Faced with this startling admission, this mom, who never saw it coming did the only natural thing she could do: she gathered her little boy into her arms and cried. Were they tears of grief? Sadness over what now would never be as she pictured? No, as she held her son in her arms she cried for the pain he had held to himself for the last two years and said a prayer of thanks that his painful secret had not driven him to do the unthinkable.
We are not prepared, when we are learning Lamaze breathing, and focusing on the impending birth for what that newborn will require when the care is lifelong. I have another friend whose oldest child was born with a myriad of disabilities. Recently, she spent a good week in the ICU because her now 23 year old son had been experiencing increasingly dangerous seizures. The idea being that when the next seizure of that sort occurred, it could be witnessed, recorded and then treated. The room was like a fishbowl with medical staff observing them at all hours. Her son's head was hooked and wired to transmitters and they simply lived their days out in that glass room HOPING for a dangerous seizure so that they could figure out how to manage them and move on. My friend never once complained, never once lamented that her own birthday was spent in that fishbowl and NEVER considered a pity party as an option. Instead, she jokingly referred to her situation with the cameras and infrared cameras, microphones and such as her own reality show...called... "Our Little Head Case!", all the while hoping for the dangerous seizure because that's what was needed to help him in the long run.
Another friend has a terrific son who, in his new found freedom of college has found that sometimes there are consequences that are costly to say the least ( and who among us hasn't been there?). And while she worries and frets over his choices, she knows in the end he will have to figure it out on his own. Let's face it, we can only hope the lessons we taught manifest themselves at some point and our children become happy, law abiding adults.
Children are challenges. Although the caliber of challenge differs from child to child and sometimes the challenges we are presented with feel insurmountable, that is never an option. As mothers, we NEVER give up on our children. Last week a twenty one year old child died after fighting an insidious disease. His mother has had to face probably the most gut wrenching challenge one can face. After having her own killer stem cells harvested and transplanted to her son, she had to stand by while, in the end, it did not offer the miracle we had all hoped. Instead, she had to face that her child was going to die and support him through it until the end.
It's what mothers do.
And that is what needs to go into the parenting manual under, "job description."
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It's Not In The Parent Manual
It's not often that I find myself at a loss for words, but that very thing occurred just the other day when I was in the process of writing about yet another job I worked where hyjinx eventually ensues. I was writing along at a pretty good clip feeling like I had the world by a tail when I stopped to look at my Facebook and my world tilted. No, it really wasn't a tilt, it was a full on JOLT and it happened just like that. To be fair, there is no humor in what I have to offer and I'm feeling like it might even be a two parter.
I saw this post on Facebook and it stopped me cold. It said, "R.I.P Nick, you are in a better place." It only took a moment for me to confirm that Nick Smith, who just turned 21 last week and celebrated with a trip down to the college he left for 2 years ago - Baylor, had passed away; his battle with cancer finally over. Nick was two years younger then my oldest and two years older than my yougest. Byron is a small town and all of the kids know each other, but Nick was a runner as is Jeff and I spent many a track meet cheering for Nick all the way to the State Meet for two years. Nick left for college an eager freshman but, it wasn't long before he was diagnosed with Leukemia and he spent the next two years fighting, learning and loving life inspite of it all.
What I find completely heartbreaking is his final posted status on Facebook. He posted this the night before he passed:
the foebodding [sic] spectre of spending most of the summer In a hospital getting sicker again is one I have neither the strength to overcome or that special someone to make the choice easier."
I am a trained hospice volunteer. I have spent countless hours with dying patients and I have experienced the gift that the dying have to offer. Even with the prophetic post, I didn't see this coming and when I found out, I came apart. Maybe it is the mother in me who grieves for his mom, maybe it is the abruptness in which I found out or maybe it is the sadness in realizing that he had so much to offer the world, his friends and family that will go unfinished. Whatever it was, my response surprised me. I found myself walking that fine line of grief. Do I remain stoic and strong so that my own child has someone to lean on ( and really, who am I fooling with that thought?) Or do I show him the depth of my sorrow and hope he absorbs the truth: all mothers feel the loss when a child dies.
Sometimes I hate being a grown-up.
I saw this post on Facebook and it stopped me cold. It said, "R.I.P Nick, you are in a better place." It only took a moment for me to confirm that Nick Smith, who just turned 21 last week and celebrated with a trip down to the college he left for 2 years ago - Baylor, had passed away; his battle with cancer finally over. Nick was two years younger then my oldest and two years older than my yougest. Byron is a small town and all of the kids know each other, but Nick was a runner as is Jeff and I spent many a track meet cheering for Nick all the way to the State Meet for two years. Nick left for college an eager freshman but, it wasn't long before he was diagnosed with Leukemia and he spent the next two years fighting, learning and loving life inspite of it all.
What I find completely heartbreaking is his final posted status on Facebook. He posted this the night before he passed:
the foebodding [sic] spectre of spending most of the summer In a hospital getting sicker again is one I have neither the strength to overcome or that special someone to make the choice easier."
I am a trained hospice volunteer. I have spent countless hours with dying patients and I have experienced the gift that the dying have to offer. Even with the prophetic post, I didn't see this coming and when I found out, I came apart. Maybe it is the mother in me who grieves for his mom, maybe it is the abruptness in which I found out or maybe it is the sadness in realizing that he had so much to offer the world, his friends and family that will go unfinished. Whatever it was, my response surprised me. I found myself walking that fine line of grief. Do I remain stoic and strong so that my own child has someone to lean on ( and really, who am I fooling with that thought?) Or do I show him the depth of my sorrow and hope he absorbs the truth: all mothers feel the loss when a child dies.
Sometimes I hate being a grown-up.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
How Did We Ever Survive Without All The Rules??
Recently on Facebook a photo was posted by someone I went to high school with that inspired some wonderful memories of a particular day in 1977. I have included the photo here as it appeared on the monthly Highlander, our HS newspaper. There were approximately 650 students in each class and at that time we were a 10-12 school. And. . . it was the 70's ergo, we had an open campus whereby we could leave at will during studyhall and lunch, hang out in the commons, smoke in the courtyard and call ourselves in sick if we were 18. There was often a line of kids standing at the phone booth that sat in the lobby of the school right across from the attendance office waiting to phone in their absence and head out to something more fun. . .especially in spring.
There was a group of seniors that hung around together and were dubbed, "The Pigs." These guys were your typical good looking, well liked, goofy and popular type and they had put themselves up on the block on a day that no longer is considered politically correct. Slave Day. The Pigs were purchased for a lot of money ( I want to say something like $212) and were required the next day to serve at the will of their buyer. And the picture was taken that morning as they made their way down the hall in the garb they were required to wear. Just look at the photo - it is a recipe for expulsion now-a-days. We have 4 guys wearing skirts. We have 4 guys in make-up, 4 guys wearing signs around their necks - one with a suggestive sexual comment ( which we girls all knew just couldn't be true!) That would NEVER fly in school now -- at least in Byron. Could those boys possibly be worthy of graduation or any kind of success in life? Let's see.
The guy to the very left is Fax Bahr and really, if you don't know him, Google him but let me just say, "In Living Color"; creator of "Mad TV"; documentary film maker; comedy writer and producer to name a few. The next guy is Rich Snee who has become very successful in the area of children's music. http://www.mothergooserocks.com/about_us.html Then is Brad - he owns his own appraisal service that contracts with all of the major banks in northern Michigan. He is the "Go To" guy in the Michigan mortgage and real estate industry. And finally there is Drew. It's no coincidence that he shares a name with my oldest. In high school he was the guy EVERYONE liked and that stayed with me when Dave and I were naming our baby ( and we both agreed on it!) Drew is a high school art teacher and a hugely talented scultpure. I wish he had a website I could post but I can tell you he has a particular piece called, "The Giver" that I DREAM about it is THAT engaging.
I just wonder if all of these arbitrary rules are really making our children any better than we were. And when our kids look back, I wonder if their memories will be filled with the height of hilarity or of times tempered with what they weren't allowed to do.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Vegas? I'd Rather Run Away With The Circus
There isn't anything that can be written about Las Vegas that hasn't been written already. Except maybe this - I hate Las Vegas. I don't just hate Las Vegas, I loathe it. Crowds that aimlessly mill about staring gape mouthed at the Eiffel Tower, the statue of Liberty and the Great Pyramid of Giza all in a one square block; blue haired ladies with red lipstick and a cigarette dangling from their lips as they play the penny slots; and the constant assualt of bells ringing, machines beeping and horns honking on my ears are only part of the problem. Apparently, I no longer consider losing money a form of entertainment. And really? I've seen some Vegas shows that have left me totally underwhelmed. That is, until I saw Cirque Du Soliel's "KA."
Holy Schnikees! As you may recall, we were there to see Jason Zulauf perform in the show and take a backstage tour. Well, if it weren't for bad luck, the Coltman's would have no luck at all. The weekend we were there was the weekend of the Oscars which equals a theater with no celebrities. Ok, I can handle that, I'm really there to see the show not see celebrities see the show. Then, we get a call from Jason's father. Jason is ill, he hasn't missed a show in 5 years but he is not going to be appearing. However, he arranged for his girlfriend Cheri, another artist and one of the main stars of the show, to meet us and give us a tour.
The show itself is beyond any discription I can offer. To try would render it just adequate. The stage is mobile and is often set vertical, perpendicular to the floor and the performers flip, dance and fly up and down the thing. There is a story that is sometimes difficult to follow only because I was so mesmerized by the action, I lost myself in the moment. If Vegas is sensory overload in the worst way, KA is sensory orgasm ( yeah, I said it.)
Afterward, we met Cheri and her sister at the door and she took us backstage. Cheri plays one of the main characters in KA and is tiny. I mean so tiny that if I were a few inches shorter and weighed alot less I would still look like an oaf next to her. What she may lack in stature is made up in incredible talent, vast backstage knowledge and kindness. Cheri explained how the stage moved, how the costumes are stored and how much the wigs cost ( 5 digits.) She explained some of the moves that Jason performs and showed us the dressing rooms. She did all of this at 11:30 p.m. while all of the other performers were changing and rushing home to begin their "weekends." I'd say our bad luck was really GREAT luck!
And that, the whole Cirque experience, erased the fact that I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes just by breathing, collected a card decks worth of call girl cards on the street, and lost $20 in a slot machine. Cirque Du Soliel? YES! Vegas? Meh.
Holy Schnikees! As you may recall, we were there to see Jason Zulauf perform in the show and take a backstage tour. Well, if it weren't for bad luck, the Coltman's would have no luck at all. The weekend we were there was the weekend of the Oscars which equals a theater with no celebrities. Ok, I can handle that, I'm really there to see the show not see celebrities see the show. Then, we get a call from Jason's father. Jason is ill, he hasn't missed a show in 5 years but he is not going to be appearing. However, he arranged for his girlfriend Cheri, another artist and one of the main stars of the show, to meet us and give us a tour.
The show itself is beyond any discription I can offer. To try would render it just adequate. The stage is mobile and is often set vertical, perpendicular to the floor and the performers flip, dance and fly up and down the thing. There is a story that is sometimes difficult to follow only because I was so mesmerized by the action, I lost myself in the moment. If Vegas is sensory overload in the worst way, KA is sensory orgasm ( yeah, I said it.)
Afterward, we met Cheri and her sister at the door and she took us backstage. Cheri plays one of the main characters in KA and is tiny. I mean so tiny that if I were a few inches shorter and weighed alot less I would still look like an oaf next to her. What she may lack in stature is made up in incredible talent, vast backstage knowledge and kindness. Cheri explained how the stage moved, how the costumes are stored and how much the wigs cost ( 5 digits.) She explained some of the moves that Jason performs and showed us the dressing rooms. She did all of this at 11:30 p.m. while all of the other performers were changing and rushing home to begin their "weekends." I'd say our bad luck was really GREAT luck!
And that, the whole Cirque experience, erased the fact that I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes just by breathing, collected a card decks worth of call girl cards on the street, and lost $20 in a slot machine. Cirque Du Soliel? YES! Vegas? Meh.
Friday, March 5, 2010
And He Ran Away To Joined The Circus
I have spoken often of the plethora of famous people that hale for my part of Michigan. . .as nauseum. There are, however, several people from the northern Illinois area who have gone on to become famous as well. There's Joan Allen, Michele Williams of TLC, William Katz and of course THE Jason Zulauf. Who? You know, the kid who ran away with the circus?
A few years ago Dave came home from work with a story about a co-worker's kid. This kid had been a champion diver and gymnast in Sterling and was recognized by some pretty impressive people. But, as Dave tells the story, . . ."Jason up and joined the circus at 16."
"And his parents were OK with this?" I ask incredulously.
"I guess so, Zulauf was talking about it today. Said they pay him pretty well and pay for his housing. I guess it's pretty well known. "
I imagined Jason as one of the flying trapeze guys - living in a small trailer behond the elephants and really, I wondered what in the world his parents were thinking. The circus? I am a former carnie ( another article altogether!) and I know there are just too many diseases you can catch on the road with, well, clowns. But who I am to judge? My parents let me work in carnivals one summer.
Months - maybe years pass and Dave again comes home and says, "Remember when I told you about Jason Zulauf joining the circus? Well, they are coming back to the states to open a show here. "
Hmmmmm, I think. A circus that has been traveling out of the country. A well known circus. They pay well. I can add 2+2+2 and get 6 so I ask, "What is the name of this circus?"
"I dunno, " Dave shrugs, "something foreign I think."
"Something foreign like Cirque du Soliel by any chance?" I ask.
He snaps his fingers, "Yeah, that's it!"
"And they are opening a permanent show in Las Vegas, right?"
"Yeah," Dave says, "How do you know?"
BECAUSE IT'S FREAKIN CIRQUE DU SOLIEL not some rinky dink traveling circus. Homer Simpson forehead slap and required, "DOH!"
So Jason is one of the leads in "Ka" in Vegas and we are headed there this weekend to see the show. Afterward, we are meeting Jason and he is giving us a back stage tour. I don't want to be a name dropper - Tom Cruise - but many celebrities attend the later show and go back stage afterward to meet the performers. I'm not saying that all those celebs will be clamoring to have their pictures taken with me, but rest assured, I will be lurking in the background of any and all photos where celebrities gather so look for me on E! Or not.
I'm off to the circus!
A few years ago Dave came home from work with a story about a co-worker's kid. This kid had been a champion diver and gymnast in Sterling and was recognized by some pretty impressive people. But, as Dave tells the story, . . ."Jason up and joined the circus at 16."
"And his parents were OK with this?" I ask incredulously.
"I guess so, Zulauf was talking about it today. Said they pay him pretty well and pay for his housing. I guess it's pretty well known. "
I imagined Jason as one of the flying trapeze guys - living in a small trailer behond the elephants and really, I wondered what in the world his parents were thinking. The circus? I am a former carnie ( another article altogether!) and I know there are just too many diseases you can catch on the road with, well, clowns. But who I am to judge? My parents let me work in carnivals one summer.
Months - maybe years pass and Dave again comes home and says, "Remember when I told you about Jason Zulauf joining the circus? Well, they are coming back to the states to open a show here. "
Hmmmmm, I think. A circus that has been traveling out of the country. A well known circus. They pay well. I can add 2+2+2 and get 6 so I ask, "What is the name of this circus?"
"I dunno, " Dave shrugs, "something foreign I think."
"Something foreign like Cirque du Soliel by any chance?" I ask.
He snaps his fingers, "Yeah, that's it!"
"And they are opening a permanent show in Las Vegas, right?"
"Yeah," Dave says, "How do you know?"
BECAUSE IT'S FREAKIN CIRQUE DU SOLIEL not some rinky dink traveling circus. Homer Simpson forehead slap and required, "DOH!"
So Jason is one of the leads in "Ka" in Vegas and we are headed there this weekend to see the show. Afterward, we are meeting Jason and he is giving us a back stage tour. I don't want to be a name dropper - Tom Cruise - but many celebrities attend the later show and go back stage afterward to meet the performers. I'm not saying that all those celebs will be clamoring to have their pictures taken with me, but rest assured, I will be lurking in the background of any and all photos where celebrities gather so look for me on E! Or not.
I'm off to the circus!
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