READ THIS BEFORE MAKING A RESOLUTION

They started early this year, those gym and weight reduction commercials that assault us every time we turn on the television.  They have a great hook, one that a majority are taken in by every single year.  The New Year's Resolution.  That one time where you pledge to do something different, better, more often all in the name of new year.  A flip of the calendar.  Seriously?  If you didn't get my message last year when I painted the scenario: resolve, join gym or diet program, go great guns for a week or two, get tired. . .or hungry, cheat, self flagellate, try again, give up.  The result?  Dollars thrown away and unnecessary guilt all because you felt compelled to announce a resolution when the calendar changes.  Who wins?  The gym, the diet program and now the self help centers that are ready to rush in and repair your ego. . .for a price.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, DON'T DO IT!  Instead, join me for some red wine and dark chocolate.  That's my kind of good health!

You're not going to listen to me, are you?

On a positive note, I am sponsoring a book give away for my book, Is It Just Me? or Is Everyone a Little Nuts!  I have 2 books to give away to any new followers  or current followers who bring in a new follower between now and January 5.  I will announce the winners on the 6th.  Thanks!  And Good Luck!

It's The Big Time Now!

Is It Just Me? or Is Everyone a Little Nuts! has been chosen as a book club selection for clubs in Illinois, Pennsylvania and Texas.  

Upon notification that my book had been selected, I created a set of questions for club discussion - I’m not without a serious side, you know.  Reports back from the Pennsylvania group were positive with the representative telling me that the over all consensus was that they enjoyed the book and were glad for a break from “real”  reading.  

The Texas representative indicated that they, too, laughed their way through the book and used the questions as place mats for their cookies and margaritas.  The rep said, “they don’t like to put too much thought into reading.”

And to top it all off, I was approached by a highly regarded local citizen and asked to speak at the next meeting of one of the highly regarded service groups in town.  While I was thrilled to be asked, I had to decline due to another commitment.  His response? “Well, I guess I don’t have to read it yet then, huh?!”

Does it get better than that?

A Kindred Spirit

Have you ever come across someone who reminds you so much of yourself, you think you may be in a parallel universe?  I recently read Diana Estill's "Stiletto's No More".  Diana has written a column for a number of years but clearly shares the same point of view that I have on the whole aging and parenting thing.  Here is my review:

Stiletto’s No More, by Diana Estill, is a funny, down to earth commentary on the realities of aging. It’s not easy facing the physical changes that occur, without permission I might add, to our bodies when middle age and menopause invade, but Estill faces these occurrences with a wicked wit that any woman will identify with (if not openly then secretly) and embrace. From underwear, to shoes, to the utterly ridiculous and hilarious protocols of local government and the pomp and circumstance involved in the smallest of decisions Estill’s commentary will produce a wry, knowing smile and, in some instances an inappropriate guffaw of which I no longer feel obligated to apologize. 

Diana Estill, author of several humorous books, has written an engaging read perfect for the beach, an airplane or a quiet afternoon. My only wish was that Estill spent more time elaborating, ergo, I wish there was more to read as I was finished too soon.

In case you are looking for something to read. . .just sayin.

Another Baby at 49? I'm Up to It!

I do have a day job you know.  Well, alright, it is a part-time day job.  Three days a week, I am a daycare provider - a nanny, if you will, to an 8 month old baby girl.  I arrive at their house shortly before 7:30 a.m. and am charged with playing, changing and feeding said baby.  My day ends at 3:30 (ish) and if I am lucky, there have been 3 hours worth of napping in that time frame.  At forty-nine, I am finding that I am still capable of doing the mommy thing.  And it got me to thinking,  what if. . .

Well first of all, "if"... then it would have to be an immaculate conception.  That, or we have to go back to the doctor who performed the big V on Dave all of those years ago and make him accountable.  So, settling on immaculate conception as the scenario,  and knowing that I am still able to do the whole baby thing, I believe if an angel came to me (via Twitter or a text message most likely) and told me I would bear the child of God, I could probably do it. . .with a few caveats:

1) I'll need a trainer who will keep me moving through the pregnancy.  I don't want the old body back, but a leg up in creating a new one would be appreciated.
2) I'd like a housekeeper.  I don't want to expose His baby to any dangerous chemicals, strained movements, or housework in general.  After all, this baby is headed for the big time.
3) When the time comes. . . I'd prefer a hospital to a stable.  The final days of pregnancy tend to create internal odors for which I am willing to endure but I will  NOT be in a place where a donkey smells better than I do. And, I require an epidural.  He enabled modern medicine to advance to the epidural level, it would be rude of me not to enjoy the benefits.
4) About the schedule.  I don't do night feedings anymore.
5) No encouraging the baby to crawl or walk, that only asks for trouble later.
6) And strained peas and green beans are just nasty.  I'm not feeding the baby THAT food or changing THAT diaper.  Trust me, it's better that way.  And while we are on the subject of food, the dog kibble is perfectly safe should it be ingested - don't ask me how I know.
7) Finally, I'd prefer not to be awakened until 7 a.m. and I'd like to be done parenting by 3:30 p.m.

I think if those demands can be met, I would make an ideal mother for God's child.  Except, I am about 2043 years too late.

Merry Christmas.

And you all probably thought I was going to announce a surprise baby, didn't you!?