Grandma Has a Crush on Steven Tyler

My grandmother died in the early 80s.  She was a not a cuddly woman by any means, she was stoic and proper. She was unusual in that she was the wife of a retired naval captain, well traveled and a professor of music at USC in the mid 1920s.  She was not so unusual in that she tended toward a rounded figure, wore polyester dresses with matching jackets and covered buttons, sensible shoes and had a standing appointment at the hairdresser for bluing, wash, curl and comb out.  She looked like a typical old lady. This picture is necessary to understand something I recently experienced.

Moondoggy and I became the recipients of two tickets to see the Ten Tenors at the McCallum Theater in Palm Desert, CA.  It was a matinee show attracting an abundance of elderly people there to enjoy the remarkable talent these men showcase.  And so, we sat in our seats mid theater and as I waited for the show to begin, I surveyed the crowd.  In the box seat that hovered over stage left, there was a woman, sitting ram rod straight, pocketbook on her lap. hair newly styled with a bluish gray cast.  She was the spitting image of my grandmother.The house lights went down, stage lights up and the Ten Tenors came out singing something from some opera.  I don't know because I was mesmerized by this lady in the box.  Like the Queen of England, she offered her rapt attention as they crooned several songs.

The Ten Tenors are a blend of voices that create incredible sound whether it is an operatic piece or contemporary artists.  As the show continued they moved from pieces like Ave Maria to Elton John, the Beatles and even Aerosmith.  Their rendition of "Yesterday" was compelling and had the audience singing along.  I looked up and yep, even the grandma was moving her lips.  They transitioned to Elton John and I noticed the grandma actually swaying and clapping in time to the music as they sang.  It made me happy to know that she could appreciate the contemporary as well as the classical stuff.  Then, one of the Tenors announced their last song,"Love in an Elevator" by Aerosmith.  Uh oh, I thought, this may be where grandma leaves.

Several colored lights swirled across the stage as the guys regrouped and started to sing.  And when that happened, this crowd of matinee going senior citizens went crazy.  People stood, they danced, they swayed.  I looked at the grandma in the box seat and I swear to all that is true in the world, she was not only singing and playing air guitar as she was draping her pink polyester suited body over the railing, she screamed, "I love Steven Tyler" and then took out her iphone and produced a "flame" from her lighter app.

Well, I was stunned, to say the least.  I was impressed that this older crowd had such an appreciation of "MY" music.  Then I realized, perhaps these older people weren't appreciating my music. . .they were enjoying THEIR music which makes all of us old, I guess.

AND  GUESS WHAT!
My book, No Such Thing has been selected as a Quarter Finalist in
The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award!

A Free sample is available here:
http://www.amazon.com/No-Such-Thing-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3SKQ/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1363875876&sr=1-5&keywords=judi+coltman

Byron, Blues and Beer

On my refrigerator, among the photos, appointment cards and assorted magnets, hangs a letter from the current powers that be of our little town that, in a nutshell (apropos), fires me and Moondoggy from a decade long volunteer job.  That job?  Selling beer at Byronfest, our 3 day festival that ostensibly celebrates and showcases the businesses of our town and the kindness of our citizens.  Welcome to Byron, enjoy your weekend and leave LOTS of money.  And so, the powers that be, found they were losing money at the beer gardens and decided the best thing to do was FIRE all of their volunteers.  That's right,  I was fired from a volunteer position.  Does it get more pathetic than that?

Ok.  There is always an upside to the shamed.  What that did for me was release me from the obligation of having to schlepp my ass uptown, wear a ridiculous t-shirt uniform that I usually altered somehow, spend loads of money on local food that I would prefer to eat in a restaurant anyway, fight crowds of people milling about between concert stages, and lose my voice and my hearing trying to socialize and catch-up with people while yelling over the conglomeration of three concert stages with vastly different genres of music in a 1 block area.  I'm not bitter - I'm just old.

However, this past weekend, there was a shiny, brand new festival - 12 hours of Blues downtown.  One stage, all Blues, all day.  No yelling over music, well behaved mellow people, and enough shade so as not to damage my already sun dried skin.  Food was sponsored by local eateries and there were three beer stations that sold bottled beer  for a cheaper price than Byronfest.  I don't know who was contracted to sell the beer but I can tell you this. . . 3 times the cute little girl with the big gravity defying tata's and the interesting slits cut in her t-shirt forgot to charge us.  And did she not realize what the 50 something turned twelve year old men were doing when they requested she dip down deep into the cooler to get the coldest beer?  I wonder what her pouty lips will look like when she gets her letter?

She will be getting a letter, right?