File It Under "Things Mother Never Told You"

Blog Hop Day 3.  Sign up to win signed copies of my books.  Just fill out the Rafflecopter at right.  

Several years ago ( ok, over a decade ago but who is counting?), I put together a recipe collection of meals my family has enjoyed while vacationing at Sandbridge Beach.  I had everyone contribute their favorite recipes and, along with my anecdotes, and pictures, compiled them into a book.  There is only one copy remaining-- the prototype, and I am offering this personal book as a prize on my blog.  So. . . enter in the rafflecopter box at right.  YOU might win this coveted (and sometimes embarrassing) keepsake!

File It Under "Things Mother Never Told You" - UGH

It's a secret right of passage not discussed in circles of those under 49.  It is the inside joke that comes with a nod and a wink as one approaches 50.  It is the colonoscopy and it is my turn.  Hunger Games be damned, we ALL are encouraged to participate when we turn 50.  Which I did. . .last year.  I have been putting this off for as long as I can but, I am coming in under the wire.

It isn't just a matter of scheduling and showing up either.  No, there is a required CLASS first. Yes, a class that they like to have you take about a week in advance. I arrived at the appointed time and along with 10 other equally jittery people, was lead to through the bowels of the building to the classroom.  I have to think the irony is totally intestinal. . . I mean intentional.

We are seated at tables in front of a large tv and greeted by a nurse who hands us each several pages of questions and releases.  The class will last, she tells us,  about an hour where we will fill out our paperwork, discuss the prep and see a movie.  When it is over, we will have the opportunity to purchase a prep kit there for $7.  I'm thinking, "Nice Scam."

She gives us a few moments to  answer the questionnaire.  First question; Name your next of kin.  Really?  Then, with an unbridled enthusiasm, she describes, step-by-step, the "Prep".  This is a 3 day process that begins with no fruits and vegetables - not a great start for a former vegetarian.  Day 2 is the tougher day.  No food.  Nothing with red dye (it tends to present as blood.)  Only clear liquids, jellos (again, no red dye which includes the only jello I eat) and Popsicles (again, guess which ones I like).  If that isn't bad enough, you must take a heavy duty laxative pill the afternoon before the test, down a delicious bottle of lemon flavored magnesium citrate and force Gatorade all night long. Kind of wished I 'd've scheduled an early morning appointment.  I'm out of eating options until the afternoon. Sigh.   Perhaps they need the next of kin information so they know who to call when I decide not to show up.

Oh stop it!  I'm going to show up. I bought the $7 prep kit on my way out the door.

Win other great prizes from these authors.  Just click on the name and go!
Lizzy Ford
Marsha A. Moore
Dana Taylor
Mary Pat Hyland
Katrina Parker Williams
Karin Cox
Walt Lamberg

Other People's Swag

Day Two of the Summer Splash Blog Hop! 

Several years ago ( ok, over a decade ago but who is counting?), I put together a recipe collection of meals my family has enjoyed while vacationing at Sandbridge Beach.  I had everyone contribute their favorite recipes and, along with my anecdotes, and pictures, compiled them into a book.  There is only one copy remaining-- the prototype, and I am offering this personal book as a prize on my blog.  So. . . enter in the rafflecopter box at right.  YOU might win this coveted (and sometimes embarrassing) keepsake!


 A swag bag of stuff, a book mark and a whole series of books is available from Olivia Hardin.
THE eBook of YOUR CHOICE is available through R.G. Porter.
Marsha A. Moore if offering her whole series from the Enchanted Bookstore Legends!  A whole series!
A $25 Amazon gift card and an ebook copy of his latest biomed thriller?  Just leave a comment on Alan Nayes blog.  
Cheryl Bradshaw is giving away five boxed sets of her Sloane Monroe series.  PLUS - gourmet cookies and chocolate.
Julia Crane has a Young Adult series and is giving away copies on her blog.  AND, you may even win a Moonstone necklace.
If you enjoy fantasy, check out M. Edward McNally.  He is giving ebook editions of his series.  Simply go to his blog and leave a comment!
It gets better (I KNOW, hard to believe, right?)  G.R. Yeates is not only giving away his series, he is offering the opportunity to choose a title or have a character named after you.
Her blog is called "License to Thrill" and she has written some great books. Diana Capri is offering up a ton of books!  Several sets as well as 3 opportunities to name characters.  
Guardians of the Word, an epic fantasy series is available from Jolea M. Harrison but, even cooler. . .she is giving away a few Dragon Orb necklaces and a dragon statue.  
PLEASE TELL THEM JUDI COLTMAN SENT YOU!
Don't forget to take all of the opportunities to win my prized as well.  Just fill out the Rafflecopter form on the right.  EASY!
Stop back often to see what other fabulous authors are hoping you will hop into the waves and splash a little!  

The Summer Splash Blog Hop Asks. . . Who is Christian Grey Anyway?

SUMMER SPLASH BLOG HOP

This is your chance to win LOTS of prizes.  Enter my own giveaway at right through Rafflecopter.  Click on the Summer Splash Blog Hop tour at the right and it will take you to 80 other authors doing their own giveaways AND the home page where you can win Grand Prizes!  Seriously, check it out!!

Now on to the the question. . . who is Christian Grey?

There is a very good possibility that I am the only woman left in the country who has not read The Fifty Shades of Grey.  That is not to say that I haven't heard all about it, couldn't identify the cover at 200 paces or that I am unaware of the draw of Christian Grey.  I have been led to believe that the book is a woman's best friend.  I figure the draw is the tantalizing sex, right?  And E.L James' books are flying off the shelves.  Far be if for me to criticize that!

It got me to thinking though, why THAT book does so well and MY book (In The Name of The Father) which also has some sex (albiet not a driving theme and not gratuitous. . .I don't think) had garnered some 1 star reviews because of the sex.  Seriously.  I even have a warning in the description that there is some adult content involving drug use and sex and yet I still get comments like this:

"read reviews and thought I would enjoy it. I was not prepared for the second chapter filled with drugs, graphic sex and "f" words. I do not plan to finish it. There are too many other books that I want to read that won't involve having to skim over words or descriptions I don't want to read."

I checked the reviews for "Fifty Shades"and it has its fair share of stars across the board.  I figure it would be listed under erotica, but was surprised to find it was categorized as Contemporary Women. Hmmm.  I was pretty sure mine was listed in Mystery/Thriller. . . until I checked.  Religious Fiction?  Uh, oh.  Maybe that's the issue.  Yes, the main characters are a pastor and his son.  Yes, the pivotal point takes place in a church, but religious fiction?  No.  Think I'm going to put it under Contemporary Women, that seems to be working for E.L James!

Summer Splash Blog Hop - I Just May Throw My Back Out

Next week, this old girl is going to participate in her  first blog hop! There will be over 80 authors participating offering unique prizes to all who visit their blogs next week.

What is a blog hop, you ask?

Good question!  The idea is to introduce readers to new writers AND to offer an avenue where writers can tell you a bit about their books.  The hook?  PRIZES!!  Each blogger is offering their own choice of prizes, some related to their books, some services, some just fun.  Not only that, we all pooled in some cash to offer some BIG GRAND PRIZES, too.  

Prizes, you ask?

Many authors are offering up copies of their books in both ebook as well as paperback.  The themes of this Summer Splash Blog Hop is fiction.  That means there will be tons of opportunities to win some summer reading. 

I’ll be running a raffle to give away:

• 1 handmade necklace with pendant of ocean blue stones.
• 1 signed copy of In The Name of The Father
• 1 signed copy of Is It Just Me? or Is Everyone a Little Nuts!
• 1 copy (the only remaining) of  Beach Feasts, a personal recipe collection based on my summers at the beach.  This is the same beach that is the setting for In The Name of The Father

Hello?  Didn't You Say GRAND PRIZES?

Oh yeah.   I'll link back to the Summer Splash Blog Hop page where you’ll be able to enter to WIN

• A Kindle Fire
• Amazon gift cards,
• Kindle Covers
• and more!

This starts next week.  Just look for the logo at the right and it will get you hoppin'

A shout out to Cheryl Bradshaw for organizing the hop! It has got to be a load of  work, and without her this would never happen!  Thank you, Cheryl!

Is It A Game Of Leap Frog?

I'm pretty good with a computer.  I know how to do in-depth research, bury an identity, create graphics and hey, create and post on a blog.  I am, however, a right-brained thinker, therefore, I do not speak the techno language that goes with the computer world. I don't understand HTML code or Javascript nor do I know how to imbed.  I am a Mac girl.  I have always been a Mac girl (with the unfortunate exception of the 90's when I had to use Windows - archaic and unsatisfying) and I always will be a Mac girl.

My first computer greeted me with a stick image of itself and a smiley face on it's stick image screen to let me know it was on and ready to play.  I didn't have to know know about directories or C prompts.  I could just do what I wanted to do without elaborate commands.  Ahhh the good ol days.

In about two weeks I am participating in something called a "Blog Hop".  I'm not really sure exactly HOW it all works but, I know that I make a post, host a giveaway on my blog and "link it back to all the other bloggers" participating in the "hop".  There will be some really cool grand prizes as well.  I'm not sure, but I THINK if my readers click on the Summer Splash Blog Hop logo at the right, it SHOULD "link back" to the others, thereby giving people the opportunity to win lots of prizes.

All of this is new to me. It requires vocabulary I never use but, I'm giving it a whirl and hope, when the time comes, this all works as it should.  Otherwise, I guess a Blog Hop is where a bunch of writer's get together and play a long distance game of Leap Frog from one computer to the next.

Oh and I am not sure what I am offering yet. . . but I'll let you know. ; )

STAY TUNED FOR THE  SUMMER SPLASH BLOG HOP!

It's like Standing Naked in Public

I have decided to peel off my skin.  What follows is a small excerpt from my current project, still in draft mode. . . but I'm throwing it out there while I finish my next blog.  Here goes:

“Why the hell would you do that?” Jack’s voice cracked as it went up an octave in shock.  Syd smiled, she figured her brother would react this way to her news that she was moving back to Michigan and living their old home.  Jack was five years younger than Syd and in their youth had been an entire generation behind.  When Syd was into her teen years, experimenting with alcohol, spending weekends uptown shopping with girls and sneaking boys in the basement, Jack was still a little boy.  His attention was on cartoons, super heroes and sports.  His big sister was an irritation he had to endure.  And, he reacted by withdrawing, hiding, and creating a cadre of imaginary frineds for which he was often found speaking to when alone in his room, or sitting in the fourth floor dormer.  It wasn’t a behavior Sydney took particular notice of, chalking it all up to his being a creepy little brother.   But when she left for college, the teutonic plates of her family shifted.  Her mother always said the energy was realigning, but what was really happening was, she was now slowly going crazy.  

It began with her paintings.  Her subject matter moved from botanicals to free forms that look like moving amebas  on the canvas.  Sometimes her work involved specific images embedded into the free forms and sometimes it seemed, to Jack, to look like big blobs of paint.  She increasingly withdrew, spending large amounts of time, closed up in the studio their father had made for her in the basement.  Even that had been tolerable, but then she started talking to herself, asking Jack if he, too, saw the people around her.  He said didn’t and had to force his father to see what was happening, beg him to do something to help his mom.  His father, ever the pragmatist, had her committed.  A normal person would have been mortified to be placed in a mental hospital, but their mother seemed to relish the place.  She made friends with the patients, taking them under her wing, giving art lessons and thriving.  When their father retired, he wanted to move the family to Florida, but their mother refused to leave Michigan, refused to leave the hospital even, so he quietly paid the bills each month and she quietly lived out her days in the omni room of the Oakland County mental health facility named for the street it was located; a private hospital tucked away on Lone Pine Road near the Cranbrook Institute and Kirk-in-the-Hills.  Syd visited her mom at Lone Pine every few months, usually staying in a nearby hotel, and was always relieved that her mother’s state remained constant.  She was happy.  She was living in an elevated reality of happiness, art and love, in a place that allowed her to do so.  It wasn’t often that she bothered to ask about her husband, how he was or even where, although Syd had told her many times that dad was living on Longboat Key in Florida.  Her mother did inquire about Jack and often lamented his lack of communication.  She seemed to believe he was still 12, still a little boy and asked if Syd might bring him on her next visit.  No matter how gently Syd reminded her mother that Jack was in Florida, he was 23 and unable to make a visit, her mother seemed to tune it out, recalling instead Jack at 12, playing basketball in the driveway, little league ball and skateboarding.  He was perpetually 12, the age he had been when she started to see people, hear voices, and paint violence.  Syd had thought the paintings were grotesque.  Flowers had been her mother’s subject for years, but gradually her flowers began to take on human form, faces in the petals, fingers in the leaves.  The flowers were twisted on their stems as if slowly, painfully turned until just before snapping.  Blood dripped from the twisted, pained, stems and spurted from the petals, resembling tears.  Disturbing.  They were disturbing paintings her mother had, according to her father and brother, become obsessed with painting--variations of the same theme, the human qualities becoming more pronounced with each new piece of work.  Syd had only seen the work sporadically, when she came home from college on breaks and even then, while she recognized that her mother was slipping into a deranged alter world, she chose to ignore it, chalking it up to creative whim.    Her father had driven to East Lansing to deliver his plan in person.  He was retiring, he was moving to Florida, Jack would finish school there and their mother was being admitted to Lone Pine.  He was matter-of-fact, but calming and careful in his delivery so, somehow, this seemed like the best thing for everyone.  Syd knew her mom was in bad shape, but it was going to be alright, her father said so. 


My other books are available at Amazon 
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_tc_2_0?rh=i%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3AJudi+Coltman&keywords=Judi+Coltman&ie=UTF8&qid=1339638733&sr=1-2-ent&field-contributor_id=B004E5ZRHS

When Life Requires a Redirect

I spend a lot of time writing about aging and the unwanted side effects thereof.  And although I am generally ok with the onset of wrinkles, stretch marks, and gravity, I do my best to fight them off.  You see, I really don't feel old.  I still crank the stereo in the car, especially for David Bowie, the Stones, and The Boss.  I avoid the high waisted polyester, elastic banded pants and matching flowered t-shirts.  And I try to be presentable in public whenever possible (except when it's early in the morning and I have to run to the store in jammie pants). Now having said all of that, I have become quite aware of the realities of aging in recent weeks.


My collective group of parents, my own, my in-laws, and my second set (the parents of my BFF) have all had major heart incidents in the past few weeks.  Beginning with my father, who was unable to attend his grandson's wedding due to emergency stint surgery to repair the bypasses he had 12 years ago is doing fine now and doesn't require any extra help.  My BFF's father had to have his defibrillator rewired because it wasn't working correctly, a scary prospect at his age.  While talking to BFF one day about the pains of our aging parents, she announced that when she gets old, she is going to be the crabby old lady who sits on the porch and bitches.  Cars driving too fast? Air horn them.  She will be yelling at neighborhood kids to get off her lawn. And although she is allergic, she might even allow cats to live outside.  Lots of them. Now BFF, is one of the most joyous people I know and she spreads that joy to anyone she talks to, so I was surprised that she felt that way.


My father-in-law had a 5 way bypass last week (what is that, a quintapass? A pentepass?)  He was sent home after 5 days and I went down to Florida for a few days to get the two of them settled,  establish a routine, get the meds sorted and easy to navigate, and provide moral support.  I returned exhausted and made a mental note to stay cheery even though my arthritis is acting up. I also returned because I have my first colonoscopy scheduled in a few days because the docs say I am at "That age".   That age.  I don't feel it - until I start noticing the aches and pains.  I do my best to stave them off.  I did notice, though,  the other day that my phone's ring tone is the theme music to the Cialis commercial.  I don't know when THAT happened but, I am too tired to change it.  Maybe I am "That age".  If so, BFF has a good thing going and I am going to join her on that front porch and help direct traffic surrounded by my dogs.  But first, I need a nap.


BOOKS NEWS:  My current work in progress has suffered from these health setbacks as well.  I am aiming for a Christmas release.  In the meantime you can find my other books here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_6?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=judi+coltman&sprefix=judi+c%2Caps%2C160