Wednesday, February 2, 2011

All The Right Moves

You'll have to pardon me for the abrupt manner and delivery of this piece, but it just happened so it feels  a little like breaking news.

Moondoggy, my lifelong love, just made a pass at me for which he believes the end result will be unfettered bliss.

We've all been there.  You are sitting there minding your own business, when stud muffin walks in and gazes at you while you toil at whatever activity you are pursuing.  He is mesmerized.  He is enthralled as he watches you (and thinks you don't know he is watching) go about your life.

Gently, he approaches and lightly caresses your shoulders.  He lifts the hair from your neck and whispers into your ear, "Do we have plans today?" The shivers run down your neck and you reply, "No.  Why?"  Then, he lifts you from your chair and carries you off to the bedroom, spontaneous, wild and passionate.

Uh, huh.  Right.  In whose world?

This is how it really went down:

It's morning and I have been sitting in the living room watching CNN and writing.  I'm not dressed.  I'm wearing blue jammy shorts with little red strawberries all over them, a black tank top and a big ol' sweatshirt because the house is freezing.  I have just fixed myself a bowl of Kashi fibre cereal and am back in my comfy chair with an old quilt draped across my lap, a bowl of cereal perched on my chest, and my teeth yet unbrushed, hair uncombed and body unshowered.  A lurid and fetching sight apparently.

Up comes Moondoggy from his man cave for this third cup of coffee and he wanders into the living room.  "Do we have plans today?" he asks and I respond, "No, why."

"I think we should have sex."


The funny thing is, he believes that should do it for me.  Oh sure.  I am feeling especially sexy as I eat my twigs and sticks.  My perfume has long ago dissipated and been replaced with bad morning breath, bed head and 24 hours without a good body soaping.  I feel like I just want to freakin sprint to the bedroom right this minute - Honey! Let's Go!

I have no idea what my facial reaction looked like as these thoughts were swirling in my brain, but I just realized Moondoggy has gone back down into his man cave.  I guess the mood has passed.


  1. Lol, as it does so often, it will come again.

  2. Ha, ha, you should put this into a novel. Hilarious and--sometimes--so true!