Wednesday, July 25, 2012

File It Under "Things Mother Never Told You"

Blog Hop Day 3.  Sign up to win signed copies of my books.  Just fill out the Rafflecopter at right.  

Several years ago ( ok, over a decade ago but who is counting?), I put together a recipe collection of meals my family has enjoyed while vacationing at Sandbridge Beach.  I had everyone contribute their favorite recipes and, along with my anecdotes, and pictures, compiled them into a book.  There is only one copy remaining-- the prototype, and I am offering this personal book as a prize on my blog.  So. . . enter in the rafflecopter box at right.  YOU might win this coveted (and sometimes embarrassing) keepsake!

File It Under "Things Mother Never Told You" - UGH

It's a secret right of passage not discussed in circles of those under 49.  It is the inside joke that comes with a nod and a wink as one approaches 50.  It is the colonoscopy and it is my turn.  Hunger Games be damned, we ALL are encouraged to participate when we turn 50.  Which I did. . .last year.  I have been putting this off for as long as I can but, I am coming in under the wire.

It isn't just a matter of scheduling and showing up either.  No, there is a required CLASS first. Yes, a class that they like to have you take about a week in advance. I arrived at the appointed time and along with 10 other equally jittery people, was lead to through the bowels of the building to the classroom.  I have to think the irony is totally intestinal. . . I mean intentional.

We are seated at tables in front of a large tv and greeted by a nurse who hands us each several pages of questions and releases.  The class will last, she tells us,  about an hour where we will fill out our paperwork, discuss the prep and see a movie.  When it is over, we will have the opportunity to purchase a prep kit there for $7.  I'm thinking, "Nice Scam."

She gives us a few moments to  answer the questionnaire.  First question; Name your next of kin.  Really?  Then, with an unbridled enthusiasm, she describes, step-by-step, the "Prep".  This is a 3 day process that begins with no fruits and vegetables - not a great start for a former vegetarian.  Day 2 is the tougher day.  No food.  Nothing with red dye (it tends to present as blood.)  Only clear liquids, jellos (again, no red dye which includes the only jello I eat) and Popsicles (again, guess which ones I like).  If that isn't bad enough, you must take a heavy duty laxative pill the afternoon before the test, down a delicious bottle of lemon flavored magnesium citrate and force Gatorade all night long. Kind of wished I 'd've scheduled an early morning appointment.  I'm out of eating options until the afternoon. Sigh.   Perhaps they need the next of kin information so they know who to call when I decide not to show up.

Oh stop it!  I'm going to show up. I bought the $7 prep kit on my way out the door.

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