Playing Eighteen

I had the pleasure of spending last week with my sister who makes me laugh until I am crying, hacking and peeing.  Amongst our laughing this week, came this gem of a story. I so wish I could take credit for it, but this bit of genius goes out to her friend, Annie.

My sister Betsy’s good friend, Annie and her husband, Mark, had come up to Traverse City for their annual “Up North” vacation.  On one of those days, the tradition is for Annie and Betsy to spend a day at the pool lounging.  That’s what they do.  So, a few days before their rondevouz, Betsy received a text from Annie:

WTF??? I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HAVE THE NERVE.  AAAAGGGHHHHH!

Betsy replied: OMG!  What’s wrong?

Annie responded: THEY WANT TO PLAY GOLF SATURDAY

Betsy:  That’s great - clears the way for us to sit by the pool.

Annie:  THAT’S NOT THE POINT.  TELL YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.

The all caps should signal that Annie was PISSED!

When Betsy and Annie finally hooked up that Saturday, Annie shared the following story. Please picture a small, dark haired fireball with a slight yiddish lilt.

“So, we were sitting with Mike and Patty the other night at The Lake Inn having a nice dinner -  broiled fish, light but still filling.  Anyway, they start talking about playing golf.  The good courses, the difficult courses, their best and worst shots.  Well, anyone who knows me KNOWS I loathe golf.  Don’t play, don’t watch, don’t care so I checked out. But these three people, unbeknownst to me, had the NERVE to make a golf date for the FOUR OF US on our last Saturday of vacation without even asking me if I wanted to join them.

So Mike and Patty showed up today about an hour before Tee time and I announced that I would not be joining them for the game.

There was silence.  Blank stares.

Patty asked, ‘Why not?’  So I pasted a big ass smile on my face and reminded her, I dont play golf, I don’t watch golf and I don’t like golf.  To which Mark and Mike both said they thought I could drive the cart and watch. AND WATCH!? Doesn’t that sound fun?

I told them I would happily meet them for dinner but would not be going out on the course with them.  Golfing was not something I wanted to do.

Silence. More blank stares.

So I said. ‘Let me put it in terms you might understand.  Lets say all four of us go to the Grand Traverse Mall.  Shopping, now that’s something I enjoy doing. We can go to eighteen different stores where I can search for an incredible outfit. . .one in each store.  Then, I’ll go try it on while you guys watch.  You can clap for me when I come out of the dressing room and model for you.  Doesn’t that sound fun?

Silence.

Mark finally spoke, ‘Tell Betsy I say hi!’ and he lead the golfing group out the door.”

Point made.

Enjoying The Second Act

The first time I heard that phrase was out of the mouth of Frankie Heck, the mother on "The Middle."  I love that show - a show about an average family with average kids who have quirks and ego and the ability to blend into the wall paper (Sue Heck reminds me of me except she has the guts to try out for everything and I tried out for nothing.)  In one recent episode Frankie is let go of her car sales job and is faced with figuring out what she should do, "What," she asked, "should I do for my Second Act?"  A second act, the chance to do something completely different, a frightening prospect or an opportunity? 

I was faced with the same decision about five years ago.  Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, I resigned from my position with our local school district and was faced with the question, "What next?" For me, the question wasn't dire.  I am fortunate to have a family situation that allows me to indulge my creativity.  I had time to test the waters, paint, draw and write.  The truth is, if asked, I always wanted to write a book.  I was not unfamiliar with the "writing" world having worked for various publications in the 80s and 90s before shifting to the world of elementary education (which, by the way, has the schedule most conducive to parenting).  I have written pieces on point of purchase advertising, the benefits of end cap displays, unique sales incentives and many a piece on Nuclear Power.  Is your mouth dry yet?  That was NOT what I wanted to go back to writing.  With some gentle prodding from my youngest child (who told me to get off my ass and write a book), I took the intrepid step.  

My first book is a series of humorous essays based on my life and observations.  It was an experiment.  If I could float that, then I could go for what I really wanted to do. . .write fiction.  Is It Just me? or Is Everyone a Little Nuts not only floated, it sailed and still continues to enjoy numerous sales each month.  With that under my belt, I endeavored to write a novel.  In The Name of The Father was inspired by an incident that occurred while on vacation in Virginia Beach and it blossomed into mystery/thriller.

My latest novel, No Such Thing, is a fictional account of a child killer based on events that happened in Michigan on the 70s.  It is both dark and sad but there is a healthy dose of redemption as well.  I am proud of all of my books but, this one, in particular came from deep within.  Amazon chose No Such Thing out of 10,000 entries to be a quarter finalist in its Breakthrough Novel Award.  I am proud of that, too.  The letters I have received from readers along with reviews are remarkable and evidence that I hit a nerve.  Sales of late have been so-so. I'm ok with that.  The feedback I have received has more than validated that I have done a good job.

So, my second act?  I can now say with confidence, I am a writer.

If you have any interest in my books, click on the covers and they should take you to the Amazon links.

Confession of a March Madness Housewife

I have a confession.  I am a March Madness addict.  I come by it honestly though.  My grandfather was a well loved basketball coach (Danville HS, 1950 State Tournament Final Two) and co-wrote a book on the subject, Fundamentals and Techniques For Winning Basketball.  Decades after he retired, he would still stand in front of the TV during a game and pace as if he were still coaching.  It was how he watched the game.  My father played the game.  This time of year we base our social interactions between games.  Priorities. 

I come by it honestly.  I have, however bastardized my own fanaticism into a shorter season.  I haven't watch pro BB since the Bulls were on top.  I don't pay too much attention to the college season.  In fact, I have always maintained that the most exciting part of the game is in the last 10 minutes.  For that reason, I don't care to watch the first half of any game.  What's the point?  I know I am going to get a lot of rebounds from that, but truly, what does the first half do but waste time, tire out the players and frustrate the fans?  If they could just cut it to the last 10 minutes, the 3 weeks of March Madness could be no more than 5 days.  Ok, I realize I am not taking into account the dollars generated in advertising et. al.  I get it.  I'm just sayin' is all.

I have my bracket all filled out and ready to go.  I don't get into a pool anymore.  I hate losing money.  So, instead, I happily fill out my bracket and doggedly follow the games, circling my winners and exing out my losers.  I base my picks on the science of emotion.  I am a Michigan girl, I always pull the Michigan teams to the second round, at least.  I like the east coast better as a general rule so I always favor the teams from that side of the country.  And I always choose Gonzaga to go to the final 4.  Gonzaga.  I love saying it, love the way it sounds.  So, there you go.  I won't reveal my other picks for the final four, that is between me and my bracket. I will get excited, I will have disappointments and I will behave just like my dad and grandfather.  I'm proud of that. I just wish it wasn't three full weeks.

AND  GUESS WHAT!
My book, No Such Thing has been selected as a Quarter Finalist in
The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award!

A Free sample is available here:
http://www.amazon.com/No-Such-Thing-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3SKQ/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1363875876&sr=1-5&keywords=judi+coltman